I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
