My liver just broke up with me...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
