I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
