the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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