i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
