The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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