I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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