i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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