U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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