dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
