im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
