i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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