Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
