Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
