11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
