just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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