Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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