Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
