well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
