8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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