youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
