btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
