My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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