I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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