Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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