You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
