i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
