these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
