It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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