he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
