I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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