PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
