Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sex in the backyard? Check.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
