I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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