I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
