You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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