I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
