My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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