Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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