Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
