"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
