just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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