Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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