You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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