Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
