she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
time to smoke my breakfast
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
