i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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