How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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