So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
