eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
