if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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