It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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