like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
